wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
