the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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