As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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