John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
