I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i've created a new STD.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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