Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
PANTIES FOUND
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