If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i now understand why vodka
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
