Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The Olympian is in my bed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
