Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Randomize
