i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
