I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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