Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
