She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
