i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
