Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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