morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
