pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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