I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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