***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
