entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
