so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
