Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
