I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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