the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
