...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
