we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
