you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
