I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
