4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
