dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They took my balls.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
