Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
