I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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