we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
