If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
