woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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