If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
