don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
