tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
