The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
