our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
