i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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