the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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