And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
