I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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