I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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