everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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