I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
