Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
