Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
