She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Blood and glitter go together right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
