yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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