I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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