When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
