sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
